Saturday, July 24, 2004
arrrrrriteyyyy , lol, seems all i do in this thing is find desperate people and then give them advice for all your guys entertainment. this does --> NOT <--- mean that my life isn't interesting, it just means that I don't really... lol... feel like sharing what i do that much anymore. oh well! and so yeah, you're right, this means it's time for your FAVORITE doctor annnd mine!:
Dr. Advice
Patient #1, 184370679
"I'm str8 + I've always been str8. after reading my confession u might think im into dudes, im not. I like to watch guys pee in the public bathrooms and then I walk into a stall and draw pics of their dicks on my leg right by my dick so later when I jerk off I can look at them."
Dr. Advice: Right you are, good friend. Right you are. Why is it that guys always say this? "I'm straight, but however, I'm sexually attracted to guys and have never been interested in any girl, ever." I mean, isn't that a bit... Contradictory? Whatever. That's beside the point. The REAL point here is that you're... Pretty fucking weird. Just the fact that you draw images of penises on your inner thigh in order to arrouse yourself (so much for Vaseline and a Playboy) is strange enough, but the fact that you maintain that you're straight! I mean, I'm sure you're about 80% straight, but I think you're going to have to admit that you're at least 20% homosexual. Just like homogenized milk! You're 20% homo! Or however that works. Whatever. Next!
Patient #2, 111146686
"I fantasize about raping women with incredibly peach-like bottoms. Only in times of stress do I feel this way."
Dr. Advice: Riiiiiiight. Where the fuck do I start on this one. Can't you just buy a stress-relieving ball instead of raping those poor peach-bummed girls? I mean, they're usually pretty nice! The only thing I'm wondering is to how you ever found their asses to ressemble peaches... No, not spheres, or apples, or anything else, just good ol' peach badunkadunk. Just leave them alone and get yourself a massager or a girlfriend. OK? OK. Next!
Patient #3, 288866785
"i string along men all over the country, and i only pull on the strings when i want something from them. yeah! gettin me a car! yeah! i also like hot cocoa alot."
Dr. Advice: Well, Mrs. Whore, your priorities seem to be in the right place. Let's look this over a little more thoroughly, shall we? All right. So, you say that you "string along men all over the country," huh? You must think you're pretty hot stuff, eh? -Nudging of elbows- Oooh, those guys must really think you're pretty great! (In the pants!) Haha, well enough with the small talk. The point is, you're a good-for-nothing white trash skank who deserves to be vomited on by a very sick old man. A new car? What did you do to deserve that? A blow job or two? And what the hell is with your little bit about the hot cocoa? Where does that fit in? I think you need to quit the crack and get hooked on phonics... You depress me. Go away.
arrrrritey guys ! thats all for now ,PLEASE PLEASE COMMENT IF U LIKED!! and if not, comment too. lol. later
-joel
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