Monday, July 19, 2004
hey guys! maybe boredom has influenced me to start this, but as of today, i'm going to have a second weekly feature, called "Dr. Advice." basically, i'm going to take quotes from the anonymous people of Group Hug , and then give them advice! I hope this turns out to be funny, and if not, IT GETS CUT. k doke!
Patient #1, #607341015:
"i'm 16 and i have never had a girlfriend. ever. I want someone soo bad but i have only found one girl i really liked, but she has no idea i even exist. last year in school i found out someone in one of my classes liked me but i said no fucking way cause shes this fat ass goth pig who hates everyone. and she thinks that im the same way, but not at all, i generally like people, except her. i mean i dont hate her cause shes fat and ugly (ok, maybe a little) but i hate her mostly for thinking that im someone else.Now this girl i really like is actually one of her friends, a good friend, but she is just amazing shes not one of those little 'ooooh im so goth' bitches, shes normal.. and amazing. I think about her when i masturbate but i have really cut down on that, to like once a week maybe. cause i feel it cheapens the crush i have on her.but i have not seen this girl all summer and ive started to loose interest, i know that as soon as i go back to school in september i will be obsessed with her again, and its my last year of school and i seriously have to talk to her this year but i'm too fucking shy, which sucks soo much. I catch her staring at me every once in a while an thats just sparks my interest in her even more.back to masturbation, i usually do it when im on the computer and i notice the neighbor children blaying by the tree in my front yard. I dont mastrubate while watching them or anything, but i do it out the windoe hoping i will get one ove them with my man juice. ive only gotten one of their legs once. i felt proud that day. I walked around with my chin up and chest puffed out.I love her.I want her.why cant I have her? "
Dr. Advice says: Well now. You seem to be a normal lad. Your reasoning is excellent! Or not, you massive reject. First of all, I think it would help if you didn't try to cum on little children outside of your window. Unfortunately, that doesn't really attract the female sex. Secondly, if you really did like this girl, I think you would have had the courage to maybe send her a note or try to... Bump into her by "accident" or something, it's been a year! Are you that much of a pansy? My God! Don't just sit there and stare at her face like her eyes are falling out! Geez. Finally, I think that you have problems, and should get counselling... Just because you like to cum on little kids, and especially since that makes you feel proud. Fucking pedophile. Next!
Patient #2, # 704787909
"my girlfriend is waiting for me to make out with her but i have no experience. this relationship is going nowhere"
Dr. Advice says: Ya-huh. Allrighty then. I reccomend that you get some hormones. Either you haven't hit puberty yet, or you're just plain gay. Just kiss your girlfriend, buddy. Nobody cares. Next!
Patient #3, #229857779
"i love the smell of my own boxers. sometimes i reach down and get a handful of myself just so i can smell my hand."
Patient #1, #607341015:
"i'm 16 and i have never had a girlfriend. ever. I want someone soo bad but i have only found one girl i really liked, but she has no idea i even exist. last year in school i found out someone in one of my classes liked me but i said no fucking way cause shes this fat ass goth pig who hates everyone. and she thinks that im the same way, but not at all, i generally like people, except her. i mean i dont hate her cause shes fat and ugly (ok, maybe a little) but i hate her mostly for thinking that im someone else.Now this girl i really like is actually one of her friends, a good friend, but she is just amazing shes not one of those little 'ooooh im so goth' bitches, shes normal.. and amazing. I think about her when i masturbate but i have really cut down on that, to like once a week maybe. cause i feel it cheapens the crush i have on her.but i have not seen this girl all summer and ive started to loose interest, i know that as soon as i go back to school in september i will be obsessed with her again, and its my last year of school and i seriously have to talk to her this year but i'm too fucking shy, which sucks soo much. I catch her staring at me every once in a while an thats just sparks my interest in her even more.back to masturbation, i usually do it when im on the computer and i notice the neighbor children blaying by the tree in my front yard. I dont mastrubate while watching them or anything, but i do it out the windoe hoping i will get one ove them with my man juice. ive only gotten one of their legs once. i felt proud that day. I walked around with my chin up and chest puffed out.I love her.I want her.why cant I have her? "
Dr. Advice says: Well now. You seem to be a normal lad. Your reasoning is excellent! Or not, you massive reject. First of all, I think it would help if you didn't try to cum on little children outside of your window. Unfortunately, that doesn't really attract the female sex. Secondly, if you really did like this girl, I think you would have had the courage to maybe send her a note or try to... Bump into her by "accident" or something, it's been a year! Are you that much of a pansy? My God! Don't just sit there and stare at her face like her eyes are falling out! Geez. Finally, I think that you have problems, and should get counselling... Just because you like to cum on little kids, and especially since that makes you feel proud. Fucking pedophile. Next!
Patient #2, # 704787909
"my girlfriend is waiting for me to make out with her but i have no experience. this relationship is going nowhere"
Dr. Advice says: Ya-huh. Allrighty then. I reccomend that you get some hormones. Either you haven't hit puberty yet, or you're just plain gay. Just kiss your girlfriend, buddy. Nobody cares. Next!
Patient #3, #229857779
"i love the smell of my own boxers. sometimes i reach down and get a handful of myself just so i can smell my hand."
Dr. Advice says: Ahh yes. The old grab n' sniff. Oh! Oh wait... Hold on, I have a phone call. (Goes away momentarily.) Right, that was your boxers. It told me to tell you that you're weird. Don't share your feelings. Next!
Patient #4, #988482345
"one day while driving in a secluded neighborhood i saw a strange man in a car lure a child and open the door. the kid got inside kind of warily, and the man sped off. i kinda just sat there for a second in a state of shock, and then went to the record store."Dr. Advice says: That's a good way of looking at things! Nothing better than a good tune after watching a child getting kidnapped, who is most likely going to get raped, and then killed! Did you buy a Michael Jackson C.D.? Just kidding. But really, shouldn't you have made an effort to track down the license plate number or make of the car? I mean, just in case something bad was really going to happen to that child? You sick fuck! Well anyway, now there's a dead kid with a bleeding anus somewhere because of you... Hope you enjoy your music!
anyway , thats all for now, if you like it , leave a comment!
Comments:
for starters..her name was danyella smythe and we were best friends. we did everything together.. we took our first steps together and our first stumbles from drunkiness.. and then it happened. we were baking "special" brownies and when two whole batches were devoured i held up the knife and asked her if she wanted me to cut sum more for her..she had a big smile on her face as she ran towards me with delight!:)..she accidentally tripped over her "papers";)..and plunged into the knife..she was laughing so hard as the blood gushed from her heart..i couldnt help but laugh also:D..surprisingly she fell to the ground with a thud..never to eat brownies again. luckily at this time noone home. as ne sane person would do i hid the body.. her parents have been worried..cuz its been three days..ofcourse i said the last time i saw her she was on her way home. im a good person and i dont wanna get caught for underage drinking and possesion of drugs..o and tht murder thing too. dr advice what do i do to save my guilty conscience??
# posted by 
: July 19, 2004 at 12:57 PM
: July 19, 2004 at 12:57 PM
ummm well actually, why don't you just turn yourself into the police? nobody ""accidentally"" jumps into knives, so i think you're lying. in fact, since i know who you are, i've already contacted the police, and they should be at your home shortly. :). have fun in prison!
-dr. advice
p.s. i also let them know about your 'special brownies.' i hope they convict you for drug possession. later!
-dr. advice
p.s. i also let them know about your 'special brownies.' i hope they convict you for drug possession. later!
JOELIE OLIE POLIE OLIE...haha whats up dude. sweet site...or blog whatever works man. guessss who it issss...ur moosewhore! wooo. haha better not stand me up this week. haha ur sweeet. bye man. Kaydee
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# posted by : July 20, 2004 at 2:16 PM
: July 20, 2004 at 2:16 PM