Read About Me

Whoa - it's the last day of the year. am I the only person asking himself where the hell the year went? I mean - whoa, I can really clearly remember a year ago going to the Y and ringing in the new year with a bunch of sugar-high little kids who wouldn't fall asleep until 2AM. man! so before I go into the year in review, I'd just like to say (if you didn't get my info-e-mail) that Spyware is everywhere! don't download songs from Kazaa, WinMX, Napster, or any place except for an authorised dealer, like PureTracks.com. it may seem retarded now to do that, but seriously.... your computer WILL crash if you don't. I learned that lesson - and it's not pretty on the paycheck. or the wallet. meh. so yea here's my review of the year 2003... a year of growing, yea. I lost friends, made some, but that's a given. some people I learned were really immature, and weren't worth my time. I also learned that not everyone will like me in this world, but hey - that's expected too. on the global front, it was the war in Iraq. I remember when I was scared outta my mind thinkin that we'd all go through what new yorkers went through on 9/11. that was seriously fuckin scary... I gotta admit. I also learned some valuable lessons: being single is ok, peer pressure sucks, friends who ditch you aren't worth your time, and many other worthwhile things. I also learned to flirt a lot better, and I think something clicked in me because now I'm a lot more... iunno, outgoing? i think so. I also really learned a powerful weapon: silence. a silent child is the one that everyone wishes they knew - and so I keep silent more often now, as .. weird as that may sound. anyway yea, this may be boring to you but it's really groundbreaking for me. i guess. lol but yea tonight should be pretty cool - I might be hangin out with some sjhs peeps and then I'll be at the Y allllllllllllll night - such good times. anyway I gotta go, hopefully this post filled your need for speed in the automobile that is me! btw - reflect on 5 good times of this year - and send them to me - here are the 5 that I remembered, as well as my delayed friday five. have fun y'all! see you next year.

Baby you're all I got,
Make this night the one.

Top 5 moments:
-Peter Pan Backstage
-Leesh and Mair hang-outs
-Irving Nature Park solo runs
-Caraquet
-Summer Arts

Friday Five:

1. What was your biggest accomplishment this year?
My biggest accomplishment was prolly with peter pan - it was amazing in all aspects, I got my name out there, I think I did a good job with my role, I got recognition, I had an amazing time backstage, it was just awesome.

2. What was your biggest disappointment?
My biggest dissapointment was just generally discovering how certain "people" in my life let me down. Whether it was with plans, insults, backstabbing, the creating of hate clubs with my name all over it, it was just dissapointing to see those weaknesses that discouraged me so greatly.

3. What do you hope the new year brings?
I hope the new year brings success. Whether it be with school, singing, my running, anything... I want success.

4. Will you be making any New Year's resolutions? If yes, what will they be?
Yep - well every first day of the month I'm going to fast to clear out my body of crap - and I'm keeping the promise I made myself last New Years that I'd run at least 5 miles every week, and that's worked out really well for myself.

5. What are your plans for New Year's Eve?
Well I might be hangin out with some SJHS peeps, and then I'm going to the Y with Leader Corps all night! Should be awesome.

Later!

hey all just to let you know I'm alive an stuff - my computer was overwhelmed by spyware. SO DON'T DOWNLOAD MUSIC, KIDS!!! PURETRACKS.COM!!! anyway sorry got stuff to do - I'm out

well, you see, now that I'm on vacation I have a lot more time to sit back, relax, and do nothing. lol so yea you may notice that I post pretty much almost every day now, so I guess I'm gonna post some lyrics to an awesome song which you should download.

My Immortal

I'm so tired of being here,
Suppressed by all my childish fears,
and if you have to leave,
I wish that you would just leave,
Cause your presence still lingers here,
and it won't leave me alone,

These wounds won't seem to heal,
This pain is just too real,
There's just too much that time cannot erase,

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,
When you'd scream I’d fight away all of your fears,
and I held your hand through all of these years,
But you still… have… all of me,

You used to captivate me,
by your resonating light,
now I’m bound by the life you left behind,
Your face it haunts,
my once pleasant dreams,
your voice it chased away,
all the sanity in me,

These wounds won't seem to heal,
this pain is just too real,
there's just too much that time cannot erase,

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,
when you'd scream I’d fight away all of your fears,
and I held your hand through all of these years,
but you still… have… all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone,
but though you're still with me,
I've been alone all along,

When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears,
when you'd scream I’d fight away all of your fears,
and I held your hand through all of these years,
but you still… have… all of me

Happy birthday,
To Dad

well now! it's tom's birthday... whoooo - or not. cough. so yea today was an allright day - but before I talk about today, let's talk about last night. well as you may or may not know or may not care about, last night was jf's party! and it was a blast, I really haven't had that much fun since - well ok I have fun often, but still I really did have a blast. there was good friends, good food, good times, good atmosphere, just everything was great. and yea there was even wine in the punch, so chalk one up for jf's parents! anyway but yea I had such a good time, we did everythin, I wish jf would do one of those every month! and he wouldn't even have to serve all the really good food, we could all bring a little something! it'd be great! anyway let's move on. (notice how I talk to you, the reader, directly? awesome, eh?) yea today (like I said) is Tom's b-day, which is cool. now the dude is 14, and he's been a teen for a year now. I guess he fits the role well, but in his own way. he's a cross of a punk and a rocker - or maybe that's the same thing. I'm preppier then my bro, but I also think i'm cooler. coolness comes with experience, my children - don't ever forget it. be yourself and all that crap and what's meant to be will happen. that's another thing - this is my blog! if I want to say anything about you, I'ma gonna do it, but by using avatars. I've said this before, but this time i actually mean it. see, me and "bob" and "stan" / "bobette" et "stanalyetta" had planned a gift exchange for today. "bob(ette)" planned for it, and "stan(alyetta)" just went ahead and made other plans. which is ok, had we not had plans to begin with! ugh... I'm sorry but that's pretty immature, if plans are set you don't just suddenly opt for other stuff - I think that's very rude - bob(ette) and I deserve better. and really, I know i've said this before but anyone who gets pissed off at what I say in here is dumb. you read my stuff, you come to this blog, well I'm not gonna sugar-coat everything... but I'm a nice guy in the end. I think. anyway yea so that's about it for today, happy holidays, merry hunnakah, kwazy kwanzaa, and all that jazz - i'm out

I'm so tired of being here,
Surpressed by all my childish fears.
-Evanescence

yawww it's a sunday morning and I don't really wanna go to church... at least the rest of my day'll be cool. my weekend so far has been pretty tubular.. friday nite I went out w/ justine and saw 'bad santa', which was a pretty dark comedy - crazy stuff! and yea yesterday mair was sick or somethin so I think we pushed it back to monday. anyway so then I went to sarah's house last nite.. that was pretty fun - got some new inside jokes, eh! such as "lobsters" and "juice boxes and pretzels on a saturday night!" oh... wait hold on, I can't see the screen, there are too many hands in the way.. lmao niiice. anyway yea an today is of course jf's party, certain people will be there but I'm gonna pretend I'm everyone's friend out of respect - it's his party, i don't wanna piss anyone off. then tommorrow i'm of course hangin out w/ mair n leesh!! arritey well it's holy time so yea i'm out, l8er

I still can't believe,
Believe you're gone.

ahhh so yea it's finally friday!!!! but not just any friday, oh no, it's a very special friday! it's the very friday that kicks off the awesome super-extended weekend that we call "Christmas holidays"!!!! (sweetness) so yea!! today was awesome, we had a book launching and a big rally at my school, not to mention PRESENTS!!! YEAAAAAA!!! (haha sorry I sound like a huge retard but man I really am excited) man anyway yea one of my presents was this really funny book with a bunch of famous lines from famous comedians. for example, Paula Poundstone (child molester with shoulder pads) said: "I once talked to a guy who was a plastic surgeon. He said his kids started to cry whenever he played "Got your nose!" with them." hahahahaha I think that's great! or, from Joan Rivers (scary-ass bitch... nothin else to say bout her,) "I believe I found out I was an unwanted baby when I knew my bath toys consisted of toasters and radios." man, pretty funny. anyway so yea i think that's pretty cool. and my weekend? welllll tonite I believe I'm hangin around uptown if the RENTS COMPLY, DAMNIT!! ahhh.. then tommorrow, g2g for my run, bring ben to his lesson, and hang out w/ mair n leesh :D yea and then sunday! ouh yea sunday is not only the first day of winter but JF's party, which promises to be "off da hook," sam-de-cham style! anyway yea, I'm hungry and it's supper time and my body's filled with empty calories so I'm out. later! merry christmas! keep the christ in christmas ya'll

"I'm not into working out,
My theory: No pain, no pain."

P.S., long time I haven't done it, here's the friday five!

1. List your five favorite beverages.
-Cranberry juice
-Eggnog
-ice tea
-sprite
-water

2. List your five favorite websites.
-danielle's site
-jf's blog
-isketch.net
-msn.com
-google.ca

3. List your five favorite snack foods.
-trail mix
-pretzels
-carrots
-triscuits
-crackers

4. List your five favorite board and/or card games.
-crazy 8's
-go fish
-monopoly
-pictionary
-moods

5. List your five favorite computer and/or game system games

I don't play any haha... they're kinda dorky... oh! except for crash bandicoot, eh! but that's about it. i say eh too much. but I'm canadian and proud of it! anyway yea I'm out... supper... mom's screamin lol i'm out

words I could use to describe tom: fat. ugly. stupid. careless. retarded. awful. stinky. stereotypical. stubborn. gross. mean. inconsiderate. disgusting. apalling. dirty. angry. nasty. scary. sick. lazy. un-motivated. dumb. unpopular. hateful. dreadful. unwitty. unfunny. shocking. undeserving. unlikeable. cold. insignifigant. sad. unpopular. racist. sexist. frightening. I could say more, but I won't. Tom the lazy lazy fatass wouldn't even go bring Ben sliding becuase HE'S SO FUCKING FAT! I HATE HIM! PLEASE SOMEONE JUST CALL SOCIAL SERVICES AND GET RID OF HIM... this is NOT "Boys will be boys" and this is not "oh he's just angry cause they're brothers" it's "THOMAS IS RUINING ALL OF OUR LIVES AND EVERYONE ELSE IS SUFFERING BECAUSE OF HIM"!!!!!!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!! I'm so close to just going balistic here.... he just ruined my door, slammed my bookbag on the ground.... oh how I hate him.... oh why won't he die................ you have no idea what i go through with him. it's not funny anymore. my parents? depressed. Ben? missing out on his childhood. me? stressed out. why? CAUSE THOMAS THE HORRIBLE FATASS RUINS OUR LIVES! I hate him from the bottom of my heart, there is not a moment that we get along, and there is never a moment where we can be happy and laugh when thomas the fatass is around. I hate him, not strongly dislike, not temporarily, but a raw, pure hate. he is lazy and horrible and inconsiderate and the day he dies is surely the happiest day of my life. surely. as tommy sits in the basement, crying until his batteries die, as ben plays downstairs - alone - and as my dad desperately tries to get back to sleep, and EVEN AS MY MOM DOESN'T KNOW WHAT'S WAITING FOR HER AT HOME ON HER GOD-DAMN BIRTHDAY, tom just doesn't give a damn! he doesn't care! honestly, all he cares is that he gets what he wants! why did my mom buy him an electric guitar? why did I even buy him a gift? why did God even put him here? he benifits no one, he just brings everyone down, no one loves him, anyone who does love him should die. I hate you if you're even remotely close to liking thomas. I really do. you don't see what i see through my frightened eyes, as he throws chairs, knives, shoes, anything he can just because he's angry.... no one understands, no one sees, but me. and ben? what about nice, adorable Ben? he's doing poorly at school, he SUFFERS BECAUSE OF THOMAS. HE SUFFERS. why? why? WHY? THOMAS SHOULD DIE! if I had the guts I would kill him, but I can't. I can't! I'd be sent to prison for the rest of my life, and my future would be gone. if someone did kill him, I'd be sad for a while. but in the end, it would be for the best. I'm not saying that I'm gonna hire a hitman or anything, I'm just saying. it's true. I wouldn't have that much remorse if tom died. what's he gonna do with his life? a "famous guitarist?" no. he wants to join the army... he'd have a heart attack. I don't care who reads this or how long or un-organised my ideas are, but there is something so seriously wrong here it kills me. it really does. maybe you can't see, but you know now - you know that this isnt' a friendly rivalry or just brothers fighting. it's... so much more it scares me. like evil that comes out whenever I'm angry with him. he's 13, and I'm 16, and I simply hate him. if I see him again today, he'd better say goodbye to his face. don't repeat this. goodbye

God hates him,
And so should you.

Warning: The following post contains harsh language, violent thoughs, depressing comments, and many other offensive components. If you are easily offended, love real (or plastic) babies, get easily mad at me, or are just alltogether a lame-ass then please, do not read this post. Thank you. well. it's monday morning. outside, freezing rain, snow and wind pelt the house, and there is no school. you must be saying, "what? no school? why, that must mean that Joel gets to have that charming baby for another full day! hurrah!" well if you honestly think I like that crying hunk of plastic then you are sadly mistaken. I'm sorry for all you baby lovers out there, but I am not ready, nor did I want, a baby. I never planned to have a baby in my teens, or not even until I was at least in my late 20's. therefore, this whole project is positively bogus. I hate it! sorry if that means I've ruined your day, but it's true, and I'm not gonna lie. this is my Blog, if you want to hear lies you can go somewheres else. no, this baby is not adorable when it wakes you up every night and tortures you with no sleep, and no this baby is not adorable when you're stuck inside the God-damn house waiting for it to "cry." and for the love of God, don't say "oh, well at least he gets the point!" I ALREADY KNEW THE FUCKING POINT! and this might be the lack of sleep and / or food talking, but I think this whole thing was just pointless - for me, anyway. the only reason I'm not sticking this baby in the basement and letting it cry 'til the batteries die is only because my mom doesn't want me to. I'm sorry, but it's 10:20 monday morning, and if I understood correctly, all responsability is out the window after this morning. and even if I do stay and take care for this baby and play pattycake with it, what good will it do me? will I learn a magically life-changing lesson on how wrong I really was with my intentions to fuck every girl I see? uh, sorry, I have a head on my shoulders and I do know better, even amidst my raging hormones. and hey! she said she was gonna give us the babies on thursday, but she gave us them on friday instead "so that the batteries didn't run out." therefore, she wasn't counting on the fact that today would be a snow day, and therefore the batteries should die, right? then why not just speed up the process? I do admit I have some guilt talking about this subject like this, but in the end I don't really care. I find it to be absolutely ridiculous to show any affection or posession whatshowever to a little plastic doll that'll just wake you up in the middle of the night and protray a false image of cuteness. let's not automatically jump to the conclusion that I'm a heartless fiend, however. why, you ask? one word. Ben. I'm not the cruel, baby-eating bastard I sound like here - keep in mind I'm going on 4 hours of sleep and two christmas chocolates that I ate last night. so keeping that in mind, why should I give a damn? I'm finding it very very hard not to name names here, and hey! I could be wrong, maybe I should be grateful for the extra precious moments I'll get to spend with this lovely bundle of anguish and pain... I mean, joy. (no sarcasm or harm intended.) but that pisses me off too... I know it sounds stupid, but I really do hate it when people use things that I posted in my Blog against me. gee, sorry, but if you don't like what's being written, I don't see what's obligating you to stay here and read. honestly, I think anyone who does that... anyway, I'm not gonna go into detail. so yeah, I think when mom and dad leave for the hospital (dad has a pre-op to go to for his liver) I'm gonna put it in the basement and go have fun and do something for myself.... pardon me for not wanting to slave over a doll. oh how fucking grand... the baby just started to cry. good thing we all know that you can shove a key into a baby's back to make it feel better - just like real life, eh! anyway, sorry if you were offended by this post, but this is my blog after all... not yours. later

It isn't murder
When it isn't real.

aaaaaaaahhhhhhh I'm dying, slowly yet surely dying! kill me!!!!! hahaha well for one I haven't been out of the house that much so far, so I mean yea I feel kinda isolated and stuff - s'all good tho, I'll survive. I'm just tired, the baby wakes me up when I try to go to sleep.... it's like trying to win a race you know you can't win. tonight will be the second of a 3-part series entitled "Testing Joel's Patience: Will he bash the baby's face in?" I know that tommorrow won't be all that.... exciting, or maybe it will be! personally I want to go to the mall and see if a little baby like this really is a chick magnet or if that's just a myth. you can also check out that series on the Joel channel, it's gonna be called "Baby Think It Over: Sexy or not?" and while you're checking out my channel tonight, make sure to tune in @ midnight for "The Sexy Hour" with your host, me. hahaha oh I'm so tired I'm dillusional. anyway I'm practically sure I can feel tom's violent mental threats against me if I don't get off right now, so I think I should go. for my health and well-being and so on. haha later all

Trying to be a "parent,"
Yet living as a teen.

yo yo! it would be a friday afternoon here in the household, and I sit here knowing that yes, I will be pretty much stuck in the house all weekend. why? 4 words. try, "Baby Think It Over." I mean, I practically begged my teacher not to give me this, but noooo!! "tay hay hay, it's part of our big lesson, tay hay hay." I mean I tried to be as civil as possible, but a) I already went through the responsabilities of having a baby around the house with Ben... he was born when I was 10; b) I think that it's kind of un-realisitic to just stick a key in some baby's back to make it happy; c) I got really pissed off when 'certain people' were like "OH NO!!! YOU DIDN'T BUY HIM AN ENTIRE WARDROBE? OH MY LORD! YOU'RE SO SICK!!!" well I mean that's a little exaggerated and I was harsh, but that pisses me the fuck off. so sorry if I'm not riveted by the idea of having to lose my weekend so I can tend to a retarded plastic doll that cries all the time. I mean, really! it's none of anyone's fucking business on how I react to being forced to tending to a baby all the time! damnit! anyway, yeah, my week was not normal, it was actually really good. I had a great week! however, yeah, to put it in words that aren't too obvious, "Chus en manque!!" it's all cause of my school, and I mean I just need to do diff stuff - and I mean I could get cheap thrills if I wanted, I have connections, but I mean I want a relationship. sounds corny, eh? I know. but maybe you don't understand - it depends who you are. I guess I get it now, it's my school that's pretty much restricting me to not have a gf really, and it's not my fault - I know that kinda stuff happens in time, but still. ah yea I think I've said enough to stir up some thoughts, I'm outta here.

Not yet a parent,
Stuck with some weird doll.

so yea we have a little extra time to just do nothing here @ sam-de-cham because of the magic show this morning... (yes, magic show.) and so yeah I'm just chillin in the library cause I'm bored. upon reconsideration of what I said about "person" and the dance-o-thon, I guess I was a little too harsh - I was pissed that day, and I pretty much didn't mean what I said. so yea tonight's leader corps and we're going bowling! exciting, eh? yea!! then wednesday I'm goin uptown w/ some new peeps... s'gonna be interesting! hopefully my weekend'll be interesting for once! though I'm gonna have that God-damn baby... I hate it. if it was real, I would smother it the first chance I got! I know the responsibilites of parenthood, damnit! I learned them with Ben! (Ben being my first child. ahem.) but yea so I hate that, I'm gonna be a social reject cause it's a little burden that I do NOT wanna have. I can't let anyone else babysit it because it requires a stupid special key that's attached to a stupid stupid bracelet that you can't take off. isn't that just... craptacular... yea. anyway it's chemistry class time! have a blast! later

In my snowy school,
French as can be.

allrighty well now! wondering why I'm not at school? CAUSE IT'S A SNOW DAY!!!!!!!!!! hahaha sweeeeeet I'm so excited now! man! yes!! allrighty well let's start with Friday night. Dance-o-thon - I was supposed to stay for 12 hours, but I left at around 11:00 cause I was havin a pretty sucky time, and I was a little sick. so yea then the next morning I went to Ben's swimming lesson, then I ran the INP (so proud,) then I came home, showered, ate and went to Interaction - I did a little x-mas shoppin and yea came home. (not too exciting there.) then yesterday I went to church (wow! a whole 7 people!) cough cough then I came home and ate, did a little more x-mas shoppin and went slidin!!!!! it was so much fuckin fun!!! it might sound pretty retarded but I dunno, all that matters is that it was awesome. anyway yea then last night I just did homework and I actually opted for some 'me time', which is preeeeetty rare. ah well! so yea today I'm gonna do lots of fun stuff today for once! whoo hoo! haha later all I'm out.

The fire is just delightful,
Let it snow, Let it snow, Let it snow.

ah boy. crazy weekend. let's start with friday night. for all of the people who might be offended by this, I dont' care. I would having a shitty time, and "certain people" weren't making it any easier. cough cough. anyway yeah, I was supposed to stay for 12 hours, in which I case I would have comitted suicide if I had done so. really, I was having such a bad time - so I left at 11:00. FUCK JESUS FUCK JESUS my mom and FUCKING BROTHER ARE BEING SO FUCKING STUPID AND I JUST WANNA DIE I HAVE SO MUCH TO FUCKING SAY FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!! "TWO MINUTES! I'M FAT AND FUCKING GREASY AND I ABUSE CHILDREN!" FUCK!!!! I wanna write! man I gotta go.

HAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!! LOSERS!!!! can't see the shout-outs, Blaah Fatoomie, Pata Goomie, R.O., Christie, anyone else? no? hahahaha YES! it worked :D you can't see the shout-outs! it worked so well!!! yes! so now I can say whatever I want about you! and since I never visit the 'Joel hate club' for losers, you can't say anything! so kiss my ass!

R.O.----> stands for "really oogly." look in the mirror before it breaks.

Blaah Fatoomie---> you and your lover pata goomie can say all you want - the daycare's that way, and if you had a brain or any dignity you'd get out and get some friends.

Christie---> sad enough you made a blog about me. where's your dignity? oh, wait, what dignity?

so there, bitches. now only my friends can shout-out. don't like it? aww poor you. I could care fucking less, sweet deal! this is fun. later!

yo yo!!! whoo hoo it's friday afternoon and s'all good! haha well not really. see, tonight I'm going to a dance-o-thon that goes from 9PM to 9AM (12 hours - oh Lord) and so I know I didn't sleep that well last night, and so at 4AM I'm gonna be like "FUCK YOU! DIE!" and so then I have to go sleep in the van, go home and sleep, wake up @ 12:00PM and go to interaction for an hour and a half (I'll feel great - in hell!) and so then I get to go home and get a few more hours of sleep (if I CAN) and then I might be going out to the mall to meet up wit ma bitches n' homies. lmao - yea, so that's cool. I think. I want plans for sunday, tho. haha and next weekend I'm gonna have my God-damn fucking "Baby Think It Over" baby - whom I'm going to smother as soon as I get home. I mean really - does it sound likely that I'm gonna go fuck some girl sometime soon and get pregnant? well maybe - lmao, but yea I can't do much next weekend, fucking joy joy joy... anyway yeah. umh yeah. ohhh yeah... well I know i shouldn't be saying this but who gives a fuck, a certain some1 cancelled on me for the dance-o-thon, God knows had I not called I wouldn't have known. even if I didn't know, this person in question even made other plans. I mean, what the fuck - haha, it's pretty obvious who I'm talkin about, COUGH anyway like I said who cares. anyway that's all I'm gonna type right now cause otherwise I'm just gonna get myself into a shitload of shit... gee, I make a sailor blush. hm! allrighty well I'm out, WISH ME LUCK THAT I DON'T DIE THIS WEEKEND!! oh, and btw, 'person' isn't THAT bad. I just like to vent and exaggerate. a lot. later all

Il n'y avait nulle autre au monde,
Le mien était la seule.

wellllly well now - yeah it's thursday afternoon and I have no e-mail from COUGH "certain people" that I was expecting an e-mail from... but hey! yeah we all know hiding from something and responding to it always helps so much... fuck no. haha well anyway I'm not gonna say anything. so yeah my week has been a little... monotonous but that's allrite. I guess - and I think I'm prolly gonna have to go with Interaction, because Caraquet has ALWAYS been and WILL always be on the last week of april, and so is Jacob Two-Two. of course the jacob play is a bigger break for me, and there's more shows and it's at the Imperial theatre. not to say that I don't really love Caraquet, but what can ya do, eh? I can't force anything. anyway yeah tonite I have to get to bed early so I can be rested up for the dance-o-thon, I don't think I'm gonna bring leesh - too much pressure - and she hasn't even got back to me, screw that. so yea! and saturday night I think I have plans, hope they don't turn out to be bogus. anyway yeah now it's time for Beaux Parleurs and I have to call mom so yea! have fun y'all. later

There was no other in the world;
Mine was the only one.